meat, by m

Dear family and friends,

I  feel like this is a good time and place to announce that I am about to start eating meat.

It’s been ten years since I ate anything born with feet.

I thought I’d let you all know, so that you can collectively sigh with relief at the thought of not awkwardly having to figure out what to feed me when I visit you.  You’re welcome.

There are a lot of reasons, but mainly I’m just trying to take good care of myself.  And while I may not be ready to order steak the way my mother does (still bleeding), I am ready to venture in to the world of non-restrictive eating.

So here I go.  I’m going to throw off the bowlines! Sail away from the safe harbour!  Catch the trade winds in my sails!  Eat things with faces!

Hoorah!

Start bidding on who gets to feed me the meat first.

#3: A song that makes you happy, by a

Country music makes me happy. It reminds me of the time when I strolled the streets of New Orleans, Lousiana and when I sat in a country music bar on Music Row in Nashville, Tennessee. Funny things also make me happy, which is why Brad Paisley has become one of my favourite artists. His ability to combine humour with country makes for many a great song, one of which always puts a smile on my face, the curiously entitled, “Ticks”.

It’s funny, it’s catchy, and it has probably given many a frat boy a crude pick up line. Enjoy gettin’ your chuckle on..

Royal Wedding: Part Two, by j

There’s been lots of speculation in the past month over many details of the giant wedding between Will & Kate.  A big question has been surrounding the guest list.  There was quite a lot of discussion when it was revealed that Posh & Becks (relevant as they are) and Elton & his Canadian hubby are to be in attendance.

Who else is going to be witnessing the nuptials?  Joss Stone (a weak Janis Joplin-esque singer), Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean!) even Mr. Harper of the Harper Government (however he did decline the invite due to the fact that it would take away from him pulling the wool over Canadians’ eyes during the last three days of the federal election).

This week we’ve also seen some people get very angry over their lack of invite, (cue Lily Allen ranting and raving).

However, why aren’t we discussing the other guests?  Sure you’ve got your royals from other families and countries being invited, the owner of the pub in Kate’s village and friends of the couple.  But why aren’t we talking about the human rights abusers that are being invited?  No one seems all that concerned that higher ups in the governments of Swaziland, Zimbabwe and Saudi Arabia (according to this article) have been given invitations.

There seems to be more concern over who wasn’t invited than those that were.

Oh, wait.   Maybe I do know what the British Monarchy feels completely fine with inviting dictators and corrupt politicians to their wedding parties.  Considering that these people gained most of what’s in their precious palaces through pillaging, colonizing and exploiting it’s no wonder they’re comfortable keeping company of those who hurt, kill or maim others.  Yeah, it actually makes perfect sense.

King Mswati III of Swaziland...partying in London using corrupt money to live the life.

#4: a song that makes you sad, by m

still getting a hang of this video embedding thing…if you have advice, let me know!

this one is from rachael yamagata, and it’s called elephants.  if it doesn’t make you sad, there’s something wrong with you.

i forget how i came across it…somebody mentioned her name in an interview, i think. i’ve only listened to one of her other songs and it was very pop and very lame, but this one is definitely a stand out.

ps, for most of these songs i’ve posted so far, it’s the first time i’ve seen the videos.  i remember once, mom told me she thought that music videos were a bad idea, because they might change the way you might see the song.  anybody know how to just post an audio clip? in the meantime, maybe push play, follow the lyrics below, and prepare for some INTENSE IMAGERY.

If the elephants have past lives yet are destined to always remember
It's no wonder how they scream
Like you and I they must have some temper

And I am dreaming of them on the plains
Dirtying up their beds
Watching for some sign of rain to cool their hot heads

And how dare that you send me that card when I'm doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you

If the tiger shall protect her young then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night

And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips and teeth sinking into heart

And how dare that you say you'll call
When you know I need some peace of mind
If you have to take sides with the animals
Won't you do it with one who is kind

And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance

You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds
Watching yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed

So for those of you falling in love keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night

#2: Least favourite song, by a

It has literally taken several days for me to commit to a least favourite song. We’ve all had moments listening to the radio when a song comes on and we immediately say, “ugh, i cannot STAND this song/artist” and then turn the station off with a flourish, only to have your sister yell, “HEY!”, and then you have to bring yourself to turn it back on. Or is that just me?

Anyway, after much deliberation over what song would prompt me to commit bodily harm should I hear it again, I’ve come to the conclusion, and that would be one, “Dangerous” by Akon. Let me backtrack and say I’m sure he’s a lovely person …to some people I’m sure. However, this grossly overplayed song is just wrong, and causes people to be extra slutty in a bar-like setting.

#4: A Song That Makes You Sad, by j

When I thought of songs that made me sad I had to think of my teenage years.  My teen years were all about the angst-y music of the 90s.  When I received my first MP3 player I filled it with Alanis, Sarah McLachlan and Hole.  Very angry and sad.  I loved it.

It was also filled with the music of Ani DiFranco as well.  Ani makes me so sad I get happy.  I don’t know what it is about sad music but I tend to gravitate towards it when I need to get rev’d up..odd.

So, here is my sad song.  And it was reinforced as my sad song this morning as I rode the city bus for the first time since university.

Ani DiFranco

“Dilate”

p.s. My bus riding experience was epic. Did you know that the buses talk to you now? A-mazing.

Royal Wedding: Part One, by j

Here we are five days away from the royal wedding and the circus has started. All this talk about the upcoming wedding has got me started thinking about how ridiculous the royal family has become.

Now, I have a lot of thoughts about the royal family. And it can’t possibly be contained in one post. Therefore we’ll need to break it down.

Sidenote: Do I even need to take the time to explain why the royal family and the monarchy (or any monarchy) is effing ridiculous? Yes? Alright, here are my reasons in no particular order.

1. It’s 2011. Are you kidding me with this bullshit? Time to move on. The monarchy was instilled as ruthless dictators. Now that democracy is the word, what value are they adding? Answer: None.

2. They cost too much money. Period. Millions of dollars will be spent for the royal visit this summer. Millions of dollars we don’t have. Millions of dollars coming from my tax dollars. My mind is confused as to why this is not an election issue.

3. Governor General? Really? REALLY?! Governor Generals are a giant waste of resources. They have no power, they have no purpose yet they incur ridiculous costs. And for some bizarre reason I think that an alarming number of Canadians think that they Governor General has power. Case in point: when the new governor general was chosen. Cries of “Thank the good lord that he’s a lawyer!” and “He’d never prorogue parliament! He would know better!” were heard by all. Um, what? Are you under the misconception that the GG has actual power? Because as far as I can tell the GG is just the queen’s bitch and the PM’s slave (however, compensated quite nicely).

4. They wear crowns. COME ON.

5. They serve no actual purpose. I dare someone to give me a legitimate role they serve.

Back to the wedding.

For the past few months the royal wedding has been a mundane irritation. Occasionally they pop up on TV, or in the newspaper. Whatever. I could always ignore it- and I really didn’t notice.

However, things have changed in the past couple of weeks. CBC News Network has decided that every 12 minutes they will give me an update (an update that sounds strangely like the update I heard 720 seconds before), the Globe & Mail devotes a section (a fucking section) to the blessed event and TLC has changed to 24 hour coverage about anything that has the words “royal”, “wedding”, “prince” and “princess” involved.

The first thing that struck me about the royal wedding was the engagement. Or more importantly the engagement ring.

If someone wants to correct me, please do. But, um. Did he give her…his dead mother’s wedding ring?

The wedding ring from her failed marriage? Really?

Let’s ignore the fact that they’re probably blood diamonds and sapphires. Let’s just focus on wedding ring. From the failed marriage. Even if it was the most exquisite thing you ever saw, would it not remind you of the HORRIBLE wedding?

And beyond that, is anyone else raising an eyebrow to the comparisons to the Charles & Di wedding? We all remember how that ended, right?

I’m confused. It seems counter intuitive to the romantical setting that everyone wants to create.

Even if you were TOTALLY into the whole wedding thing wouldn’t the constant reminder of the divorce heard ’round the world damper your excitement?

Sigh. This event makes me angry and tired at the same time.

Secondly, why is no one talking about how much this wedding is going to cost?  It’s insanity.  According to some earlier reading I was doing they said that the wedding bill was being footed by Prince Charles and good ole granny Liz.  Am I missing something?  Did Chuck get a job when I wasn’t looking?  Because the last time I checked he collects his cheque from the lovely people of the UK.  Therefore he gets paid with tax money.  Therefore the people of the UK are paying for the wedding.  Not daddy.  I find it frightening that everyone seems to be ok with this arrangement.  GAH.

This is so effed up.

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE REMEMBER DIANA'S WEDDING?! WHY WOULD YOU WANT THIS TO HAPPEN?

#3: A Song That Makes You Happy, by m

Nothing makes me happy like 80s rock. Does it get any better than big hair and power ballads? Probably not. One song in particular that puts me in a happy place is Whitesnake’s Here I Go Again
NB, If at all possible, enjoy power ballads with your car windows rolled down, as you sing at the top of your lungs on a summer day. I promise you’ll get more fist pumps from onlookers than you’d expect.
This song has the ability to simultaneously remind me that everything will work out, and that I will always have better hair than somebody:

Whitesnake

Here’s a link to the official video, featuring a very bendy woman doing gymnastics all over the hood of a car:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3MXiTeH_Pg

#2: My least favourite song, by m

Dear Pink,
Thanks for jumping on the anti-bullying wagon.
You put all the token misfits in your video. I’m sure it empowered them; I’m sure you changed their lives. (check out the link below)
And thank-you, Pink, for lyrics like “Don’t be fancy, just get dancey”, and “What’s the dealio?”. While I think (hope) they were sung with irony, it doesn’t make it okay.
I hope I never hear this song on the radio again.

p.s., I’m actually really scared of Pink.
Official video

#3: A Song That Makes You Happy, by j

This was a hard one to chose. Therefore I chose three, all by the same band.

I’m not sure what it is about parody/comedy/musical acts, but if you catch me on the right day, I’m super receptive to them.

This band was introduced to me by my aunt and uncle. We were in Toronto and they were making a stink because they went into a music/DVD store and asked for an HBO series to purchase on DVD. Apparently the clerk was super rude and had no idea about the series they were asking for. I wasn’t surprised that my aunt and uncle were super into something that was not mainstream- that’s there thing, finding super weird/cool/interesting things/movies/TV series/restaurants/etc. So I decided to check out what all the hype was about the New Zealand duo of “The Flight of the Conchords”. Their name confused me, however when I found their series I quickly became devoted. And like anything else that I like I tried to find out everything and everything I could about them.

If you haven’t already caught one of their episodes of their TV show (same name as the band, from HBO) I highly encourage you. It’s a comedy/musical show. If you like British style humour, you’ll really like it and if you’re just effing awesome you will also like the show.

Anywhoodles, after google-ing the crap out of these two I found that they’ve released a few CDs with their original “folk” music. This equals awesomeness. So, when I’m down I flip to the FOTC on my iPod and listen to one of the three following songs:

Flight of the Conchords

“Jenny”

“Albi”

“Hip-Hopopotamus vs. Rhyme-nocerous”