Fifty Shades of What the F&*$, by j

Last month when I turned the big 30, my younger sister gave me a gift- a copy of E.L. James’ “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

The synopsis can be found here.

As M described, it is a saucy book. Yes, saucy indeed.

Here’s my own synopsis of the first chapter:

Anastasia meets dark, evil, handsome billionaire.

Billionaire treats Anastasia very well for 10 minutes, followed by treating her like shit for 2 days.

Billionaire propositions Anastasia with a very bizarre “contract”. Saucy scene.

Billionaire treats Anastasia very well for 10 minutes, followed by treating her like shit for 2 days.

Saucy scene.

Billionaire stalks Anastasia. Reframes as not stalking, but caring.

Saucy scene.

Billionaire treats Anastasia very well for 10 minutes, followed by treating her like shit for 2 days.

Saucy scene.

***Repeat this chapter 23 times, voila, you have the book***

If you’re looking for a book with some sauciness, this would be the book for you. Plenty of people have had some very interesting and intelligent things to say about here, here and here.

And like any popular book, there is a movie now in the works. I believe we already have the movie made- it’s called “pornography”. I have no clue how they could make this film without it being rated NC-17. That is (I shit you not) about 80% of the book.

What has been interesting is hearing about who’s going to be in the film. Rumours abound that Angelina Jolie wants to direct (yawn). And a number of names have been talked about for the actors. My favourite so far for the lead role of “Anastasia”? This woman:

Lena Dunham

I think she would play the most clumbsy, hilarious, awkward and real portrayal. Some might say that she kind of has the hang of playing a woman who is treated like shit by her significant other on this show.

In any case, the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ is giving folks lots to talk about- for the best is “Fifty Shades of Suck”. She has excerpts from the book with her own hilarious responses. My favourite:

Raiding the fridge once more, I gather potatoes, ham and – Yes! – peas, from the freezer.
Fifty Shades Darker, p. 79
(that’s the most excited anyone has ever been about peas)

You get the idea. And then there is this tumblr, Fifty Shades of Toy Story that will scandalize any lover of Pixar.

And finally here’s a video that someone made of the book’s synopsis:

The feminist community certainly has a lot to say about this book.  And some of it I agree with.  When it comes to what peeps do behind closed doors, I’m not one to get all judgemental.  However, what I will say is that it does kind (a tiny bit) glorify and romanticize the idea of “being taken care of” by the older, wiser, wealthy man.  And it’s done very discreetly as being “for her own good” kind of patriarchal crap that we need to get rid of. 

Therefore, I have some suggestion for our male lead in the book.  From what I’ve been reading, everyone has a mouthful to say to Anastasia about her lack of a back bone, wishy washy personality or wet blanket attitude.

1. Don’t buy extravagant gifts for women you don’t know.  This includes cars, loaning private jets, new wardrobes, Blackberry phones or Mac laptops.  It’s weird. 

2. Don’t get all huffy when a woman makes a bit of a stink because she feels a little weird about you talking to her dad about buying you a brand new car.

3. Your childhood pain is sad.  Perhaps you should find a better way to deal with childhood trauma.

4. Mood swings are normal, but perhaps you should think about medication for yours.  Just sayin’.

5. Telling a grown woman to “finish what’s on the plate” is weird.  Don’t mess around with that. 

6. You’re an asshole. (That’s not a suggestion, just an observation).

Happy reading!

Online Harrassment, by j

I just watched these two videos (yes, I’m at placement…yes, I should be working).

But I only have two and half days left.

Enjoy this awesomeness.  A man talking to men about shutting the heck up when it comes to online harrassment.  And telling other men to speak up when they see it happening:

And this video about online haters (not that we have any here:P)

It’s booked! by a

I’ve always wanted to go really blond and next week, I’m finally doing it!

Some of my inspiration below…

Here’s hoping it doesn’t go terribly wrong…I’ll keep you posted

Girls, by m

My sisters and I are involved with a new HBO series called “Girls”. I say “involved” because it’s the kind of all-consuming new obsession that can easily replace a partner, or at least a dull friend you’ve been meaning to ignore.

The comparisons to Sex in the City (four young women living in New York city navigating relationships) are obvious, but Girls is different because people can relate to not being able to afford lunch and to having awkward sexual encounters.

Fave scenes include but are not limited to: Hanna’s drug-induced panic attack when her parents stop funding her New York lifestyle (needing her tight skirt cut off with “a scissor”); Marnie creeping her ex on facebook while listening to Demi Lovato’s “Skyscraper”; Shoshanna’s accidental crack-induced pantless jog down city streets….

The best part is that it’s created, written, and directed by the show’s protagonist, Lena Dunham. She happens to be amazing.

Also, I found these…let’s play!

Dolls via http://bitchmagazine.org/post/girls-paper-dolls-by-kyle-hilton-tv-hbo-feminism-hannah-marnie-jessa-shoshanna

It really is the best, most honest thing I’ve seen in a long, long time!

Where have you been all my life…

I’ve heard of this British singer, Ed Sheeran before; he’s had numerous notable mentions on various outlets on the interweb and is gaining quite a bit of momentum in North America. Up until now, I haven’t given in to the hype.

But now I will buy his albums and wear his face on a t-shirt. Watch this video and tell me you don’t feel the same way immediately. I DARE YOU.

Jubilee, by j

In reference to last post.

While you were gone, j

As some might know, our parents have abandoned us for the better part of three weeks.

While they’re jet setting across the ocean and the country (twice), they left A and I to our own devices.

So what have we been up to?

– I have been (finally) reading the Hunger Games trilogy. I’m currently reading “Catching Fire”. OH MY GODDESS IT IS SO GOOD!

– I presented at a conference in Kitchener, informally call “Congress”. However I like to call it by the name it used to have: The Learneds. Awesome. I was presenting with some co-learners and my prof about a class I took last term in the Inside Out program. Basically it was about 30 minutes of me talking about how much the class was super transformative. It included me baring my soul in the request way possible. Yes, I was sharing my feelings. In public. For free.

– I went to another conference this week on newcomer family resiliency. I could by much gets used to this whole conference thing. Now I know why my mom goes to all these conferences around the world.

– I’m slightly obsessed with this show “My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding”. And by obsessed I mean horrified.

– Has anyone heard about this new drug on the streets, bath salts? It sounds terrifying, I’ve started to have nightmares already about rampant cannibalism.

– Did we all hear about the shooting at the Eaton Centre this weekend? I had a mini heart attack. And started texting/calling my sisters in TO. Message to A: ANSWER YOUR G-D PHONE WHEN YOUR SISTER IS TRYING TO CONFIRM THAT YOU DIDN’T GET SHOT IN THE FOOD COURT.

– The Queen’s Diamond Jubliee is happening and I think this is the most ridiculous thing ever to celebrate a perpetually unemployed octogenarian. What exactly are we celebrating? What has she done that is so unique? I’m watching the footage on the news. Here’s what I have deduced from watching the brief celebration:
1. Pretty sure that everyone interviewed believes that the Queen is “an inspiration”
2. No one shares why she’s so inspirational.
3. People generally forget about the crimes of colonizing when thinking about the monarchy
4. We are literally celebrating a woman for being born into privilege
5. The is a chapter of “Monarchist League of Canada” in London. Seriously? I will now rename them “The Most Useless League of Canada”
6. Kate Middleton could attach a dirty diaper to her fascinator and the same boring people would talk about how “timeless” she is
7. I would pay good money to see that boat that went down the Thames spring a slow leak. But considering that I’ve paid enough for trips to Canada, honeymoon and ridiculous celebrations, I think I’ll try and keep the money that Is still my own

– speaking of Queenie, did we hear about her son’s recent trip to Canada? Did you like how he took the TTC when he was in TO? How he met all those great young people and spoke about charity and service? Never have I wanted to barf more. Seriously. Congrats, Chuck on having a job and doing something with your privilege.

– Those people are useless.

– Oh, and I cleaned up:

Toodleloo [25 days] (by, m)