Monthly Archives: November 2011

#14: A Song That No One Would Expect You To Love, by j

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About four years ago my good friend Hilary and I went to the JLC for a concert. It wasn’t a last minute concert. We bought our tickets early, got excited for FLOOR SEATS and arrived promptly to watch the shitatious opening band (a DJ…they didn’t even turn off the lights for the poor bastard).

We arrived early and quickly assessed our seatmates. I believe the median age was about 12…and it would have been younger had all the parents gotten the choice to skip the festivities.

Yes. It’s true. I am a Hilary Duff music fan.

And you thought my Ke$ha love affair was bizarre.

Hilary Duff

“Stranger”

Sidenote: This song on the actual record is more of a bubblegum pop song, they sexified it for its video. I prefer the original.

My Distractions Today, by j

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I should not be posting. But, I’m feeling oddly distracted from the papers I should be writing.

So, enjoy these distracting videos….

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I know baby, I feel the same way.

I need to see this movie.  Red headed Scottish woman warrior?  😉

Movie Review: Breaking Dawn part I, by a

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I know, I know, it’s been a loooong time since I’ve written anything of interest on this blog. But that was because I felt I didn’t have anything of interest to write. Until now. (cue dramatic music).

The Twilight Saga is probably one of the most polarizing fixtures in our pop culture today. You either love it, or you really, really loathe it. You can probably guess which side I’m on. Team Edward, yeahhhhhh!

This past weekend the first part of the final Twilight Saga installment hit theatres, and you bet I was there Saturday night. At 11pm.

Breaking Dawn has to be my favourite book out of the 4 part series (besides the debut novel of course). So many questions are answered and so.much. happens. It’s hard to even remember the Edward and Bella of yore, as they transform so greatly throughout the novel. So I was so excited to see how all this action translates into film. So we begin:

The Wedding:

The movie begins the night before the highly anticipated wedding of Bella and Edward. Of course, it’s a multi-million dollar affair, co-ordinated by Alice Cullen (played by an irritatingly awful Ashley Greene), complete with rustic wooden benches, spanish moss, and general woodland fairy land aesthetic. I predict as the twihards grow up, this movie will be referenced a whole lot when future weddings are planned. Good luck with that.

During a looong walk down the aisle with her father, Charlie (played by Billy Burke), Bella has what I can only sum up as an epileptic/hyperventilating fit where she looks as if she is in physical pain. You can imagine Kristen Stewart does this very well. It’s still annoying. We do however, get to see the much hyped about wedding dress at this point. And it’s okay. Very simple, low plunging back. Sleeves. meh.

Sidenote, there is also a really embarassing cameo by the series’ author, Stephanie Meyer. As Bella is walking down the aisle, and everything is so magical and tender, quick cut to Stephanie Meyer in the crowd, looking upon Bella fondly. Although it’s super cringe worthy, because she is just so cheesy and terrible.

The Honeymoon:

This was probably the most talked about scene in the entire film. This is where all of the sexual tension that has made this series famous, come to an end. Yep, because they do it.Because they’re married, so it’s okay now.

The act in question is not really played out, due to a strict PG-13 rating the filmmakers had to adhere to. But they got away with a good 10 seconds that leaves little to the imagination. I was little concerned for the 5 year old seated across the theatre.

The rest of the honeymoon is then cut short when Bella (gasp!) realizes that she is now pregnant with Edward’s vampire baby. I would be so pissed. As is Edward, who is convinced that the fetus is a demon and therefore should be dealt with right away. Bella, on the other hand, all of a sudden develops a maternal instinct, and believes the baby to be wonderful and all that crap. So they leave Isle Esme for home and an uncertain future.

Vampire pregnancy and werewolves:

After the honeymoon period of the movie, about 2 weeks have passed since we last saw Edward and Bella. This is where Jacob (played by Taylor Lautner) storms into the Cullen home, only to realize that Bella is in fact, there, after being told that she had come down with a terrible illness on her honeymoon and would therefore be extending their trip. Jacob storms up the stairs, only to discover, with the rest of us, Bella’s hugely pregnant stomach and zombie-like features. Kudos to the special effects team on this movie, they make Kristen Stewart look absolutely sickly, complete with hollow cheeks, dull hair, and cgi skeletor arms and legs. The implication being that the vampire hybrid baby is not compatible with Bella’s human body, making it impossible for her to gather any sort of nutrition.

During this vampire gestation period, Jacob has it out with the werewolf pack, who want to kill Bella and her unborn child. He eventually decides to leave them bitches behind and start his own one man wolf pack.

The Birth:

This part is disturbing. I was expecting it, as I have read the book, and therefore knew that a vampire baby would not, in fact have a normal birth (but let’s face, that’s not a walk in the park either).

During a pleasant conversation with Jacob, in which Bella is going over her choice of baby names (E.J-Edward Jacob, for a boy, and Renesme for a girl-this part garnered a lot of snickers from the crowd, as it’s just so dumb), Bella then screams out in pain, only to collapse and go into shock. We then are seeing through Bella’s perspective, as she screams in agony and the baby is essentially, cut out of her (shudder). This goes on for awhile, but eventually, Renesme, a perfectly cute, non-demon baby is born. A few moments of bliss (and me, watching in horror at what just happened), and Bella goes into shock. And where the hell is Carlisle through all of this? Trained doctor my arse.

Edward then injects his own venom straight into Bella’s heart, hoping to bring her back from the dead, only she would come back as a vampire. This part is actually pretty heart-wrenching, and Robert Pattinson does a really good job of portraying Edward’s desperation and panic, as he realizes that Bella may be gone for good.

Cut to Jacob, who thinks that Bella is dead. He fully intends to kill the monster that did this to the woman he loved, but as he approaches Rosalie, who is holding Renesme in her arms, the baby looks at him and oh, would you look at that, he imprints (for non-twilight experts, imprinting is where a werewolf meets the person they are supposed to spend the rest of their lives with). Yeah, she’s a baby right now, so it’s weird. But golly, would you look at this convenient bit of information: because Jacob has imprinted on Renesme, the wolf pack cannot harm her. It’s the law. Thank-you, Carlisle for this bit of info. When did you get here? Useless.

Transformation:

While Edward is desperately trying to save what looks to be Bella lifeless body, we get a glimpse into what is happening inside Bella, which is that Edward’s venom is burning through her body, transforming her from emaciated human, to a strong immortal. We see her cheeks fill out, her hair get all shiny again and her bones join together (another joy of carrying a vampire baby, broken things). The last shot we see is one of her eyes, as they snap open to reveal blood red irises. Cool.

This was a great movie. It was definitely the lest cringe worthy of them all, maybe because there was so much going on and  there wasn’t time to be that crappy at acting (well, maybe *sideways glance at Ashley Greene*). The emotions were a lot more intense and there really wasn’t a dull moment. This movie is highly recommended, heck I might have to see it again before the second and final installment comes out next year.

Saturdays (by, m)

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This holiday season, I want…

..to wear an inappropriately Springtime shade of pink…

…to figure out how to shop for vintage, oversized cable knits without getting bedbugs…

…to figure out how to make yummy things that don’t require an oven (cause I don’t have one)…

…to get my hair to do this…

…and, to ride in one of these…

 

Big City, Small Budget (by, m)

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This is a post that has the potential to become a weekly (if not hourly) chronicle of my life lately: how I’m surviving in the most expensive city in the world on half my usual income.

I was walking down  Bloor Street the other day, and realized that something ironic is happening. Sonic Boom, one of the few surviving music stores, recently moved out of its old location near Bathurst and Bloor and moved into the lower level of Honest Ed’s. This is great because it’s fun to support Honest Ed’s (since it’s a part of Toronto’s history), by paying rent to them and increasing traffic in the building (not that the Mirvish empire is suffering, by any means, but I digress…).  So then, since Sonic Boom left a huge piece of real estate empty  just down the street from Honest Ed’s, everyone in the neighbourhood knew something big was about to move in.

Well guess what? Dollarama is moving into the Annex!  And here’s the irony (if I’m clear on what” irony” means, since I’m still confused by the Alanis song): Dollarama is going to be Honest Ed’s biggest competition! Yikes, Sonic Boom, bad move.

So, now I feel torn: I’ve been shopping at Honest Ed’s a LOT since the summer…but the $6 can opener I bought there is already rusted and broken. Maybe shopping local is for rich people, and it’s time I replaced that pricey can opener with one from mega corporation Dollarama, as it may only cost me $2.  Besides, I have been a Dollarama patron for longer than I’ve lived in the big city. I’ve often taken little A there, and everytime I tell her that she can choose ONE THING, and I will buy it for her (because I am a good big sister).

And as a teacher, well…today’s finds speak for themselves:

Cute timers for "time outs"!

Bilingual books for $1.25 each? ARE YOU SERIOUS DOLLARAMA?!

Dollarama: 1

Honest Ed’s: 0

P.S.: [first world problem] I bought a bag of dried chickpeas, because it seemed like there was more in the bag than in the can, and they were cheaper. Do I have to rehydrate them if I’m going to add them to a sauce, or no?