Fifty Shades of What the F&*$, by j

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Last month when I turned the big 30, my younger sister gave me a gift- a copy of E.L. James’ “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

The synopsis can be found here.

As M described, it is a saucy book. Yes, saucy indeed.

Here’s my own synopsis of the first chapter:

Anastasia meets dark, evil, handsome billionaire.

Billionaire treats Anastasia very well for 10 minutes, followed by treating her like shit for 2 days.

Billionaire propositions Anastasia with a very bizarre “contract”. Saucy scene.

Billionaire treats Anastasia very well for 10 minutes, followed by treating her like shit for 2 days.

Saucy scene.

Billionaire stalks Anastasia. Reframes as not stalking, but caring.

Saucy scene.

Billionaire treats Anastasia very well for 10 minutes, followed by treating her like shit for 2 days.

Saucy scene.

***Repeat this chapter 23 times, voila, you have the book***

If you’re looking for a book with some sauciness, this would be the book for you. Plenty of people have had some very interesting and intelligent things to say about here, here and here.

And like any popular book, there is a movie now in the works. I believe we already have the movie made- it’s called “pornography”. I have no clue how they could make this film without it being rated NC-17. That is (I shit you not) about 80% of the book.

What has been interesting is hearing about who’s going to be in the film. Rumours abound that Angelina Jolie wants to direct (yawn). And a number of names have been talked about for the actors. My favourite so far for the lead role of “Anastasia”? This woman:

Lena Dunham

I think she would play the most clumbsy, hilarious, awkward and real portrayal. Some might say that she kind of has the hang of playing a woman who is treated like shit by her significant other on this show.

In any case, the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ is giving folks lots to talk about- for the best is “Fifty Shades of Suck”. She has excerpts from the book with her own hilarious responses. My favourite:

Raiding the fridge once more, I gather potatoes, ham and – Yes! – peas, from the freezer.
Fifty Shades Darker, p. 79
(that’s the most excited anyone has ever been about peas)

You get the idea. And then there is this tumblr, Fifty Shades of Toy Story that will scandalize any lover of Pixar.

And finally here’s a video that someone made of the book’s synopsis:

The feminist community certainly has a lot to say about this book.  And some of it I agree with.  When it comes to what peeps do behind closed doors, I’m not one to get all judgemental.  However, what I will say is that it does kind (a tiny bit) glorify and romanticize the idea of “being taken care of” by the older, wiser, wealthy man.  And it’s done very discreetly as being “for her own good” kind of patriarchal crap that we need to get rid of. 

Therefore, I have some suggestion for our male lead in the book.  From what I’ve been reading, everyone has a mouthful to say to Anastasia about her lack of a back bone, wishy washy personality or wet blanket attitude.

1. Don’t buy extravagant gifts for women you don’t know.  This includes cars, loaning private jets, new wardrobes, Blackberry phones or Mac laptops.  It’s weird. 

2. Don’t get all huffy when a woman makes a bit of a stink because she feels a little weird about you talking to her dad about buying you a brand new car.

3. Your childhood pain is sad.  Perhaps you should find a better way to deal with childhood trauma.

4. Mood swings are normal, but perhaps you should think about medication for yours.  Just sayin’.

5. Telling a grown woman to “finish what’s on the plate” is weird.  Don’t mess around with that. 

6. You’re an asshole. (That’s not a suggestion, just an observation).

Happy reading!

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About weywardsisters

The Three Weyward Sisters first appeared in Shakespeare’s “Macbeth”. It turns out we have more in common with these “weird” sisters than we thought. In the Shakespeare play the sisters represent darkness, chaos and conflict. We’ll leave it up to you to decide which of us represents each. They also usually show up to mark impending doom. Well, we certainly hope that our presence on this little corner of the Interwebs doesn’t mean impending doom for anyone. However, we find our commonalities with the witches in other ways. To be weyward means to be willful, disobedient and to turn away from what is “right or proper”. Those who know us would whole heartedly agree – we are three weyward sisters. We are three headstrong, stubborn (some more than others), obstinate and willful sisters. Read at your own risk.

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