Sunday night I finished off ten days of taking care of two nine year olds. Their parents has jetted off to the USA for some mountainous adventures and I was given the chance to reap monetary gains by ensuring that homework was done, activities were finished and little ones were fed.
I also learned a great deal. Not only about kidlets, and their care and maintenance but about myself. I learned that while the twins I got to hang with were awesome, I have made the right decision for me to live child free. And that while I don’t think that a parent relationship is in my future, chilling with young ones every once and a while isn’t so bad.
What else did I learn? Well, quite a bit.
1. Hockey practice is boring, the locker room stinks like 30 smelly boys and I’m about as useful in said dressing room as Ann Coulter at the Special Olympics. Thank goodness for hockey parents who are willing to tie a kids skates up for the weak wristed.
2. Actual dance class is nothing like the reality show, Dance Moms. No one is yelling at the kids, the parents are not snarking at one another and the kids are not crying (well, at least not because their teachers are calling them fat or stupid). However, if you do find yourself at Dance Extreme and you get a seat, do NOT get up. A parent will steal it, even if you leave boy twin sitting next to it with your bag and coat holding it while you watch girl twin jete across the floor. What is up with that?
3. Meal planning will take over your your life. As soon as you finish dinner, you will start to plot what to serve up to the kids the next day.
4. Get to know your crock pot. And also, get over your aversion to cream soups, they come in handy.
5. Keep them busy. This will do two things: it will distract them from missing their parents and simultaneously make them believe that you are awesome.
6. Explode some soap. This does two things: gives them a craft to do, as the soap is super fun to play with, and tricks them into washing their hands thoroughly. This works well for boy twin, as he spent the better part of an hour trying to convince me that no matter how hard he tried, the dirt on his hands would never come off. Also helped girl twin, as I accidentally turned her hands purple when doing another craft the night before.
(Seriously, nuke a quarter of a bar of Ivory soap-must be Ivory- for 45 seconds. It will change your world)
7. Take 10 minutes and figure out what you need at a grocery store. Your time is precious and if you’re not careful you will spend your days going back and forth to the grocery store in your lunch break because you run out of bread, milk or other sundries. And for god sakes, never, ever, ever take children into the grocery store or you will be like this down every single aisle:
8. When all else fails, bake. Bake your heart out. It will keep girl twin occupied, and boy twin can be bribed with fresh baked goods. Also, he can watch Star Wars (as he will bug you incessantly about it) and you won’t have to watch with him, and you won’t feel guilty.
9. Take advantage of country living, and check out the Belmont Corn Maze. The kids will love it. However, when the website recommends wearing rubber boots- wear rubber boots. Or this will happen:
However, it will be worth it (even if you do have to throw out your shoes) to see A conquer her bizarro fear of corn fields.
10. Golden retrievers shed like nobody’s business. And as soon as you sweep up,Mr.Murphy will come by and do this:
And expect a belly rub and shed a little more.
11. Be grateful (I mean really grateful) that Beiber Fever didn’t hit the house until 3 hours before the parents returned.